I feel like I’ve been avoiding writing about my current “body transformation” efforts….
Probably because I have been.
Let’s face it. I haven’t been a very cheery person lately with all the grey days and constant “last” snowfalls. I have a tight, restrictive feeling around me – mostly when I think about riding and other outdoorsy things like running with my pups. The desire is there, hell, I’m daydreaming about these activities, but my environment won’t cooperate.
I realize that I’m being a bit of a crybaby, but I always waver between being an optimist and a very sarcastic person. I can often look on the brighter side, but I don’t have a “cheerleader” type personality.
I’ve also been reading a lot of other blogs and, although there are many who present insightful and encouraging weight loss messages, there are others who outright scorn “weight loss” blogs, stating “I love who I am, curves and all and I don’t have to change for anyone!” And that inspires me, too. And kind of makes me feel guilty for having a “weight loss” component to my blog. Can’t I just be happy with me?
I think the hard part is, just like I can be an optimist one minute (I can DO this! Time for a better ME!), I can just as quickly get sucked into issues I wrote about in Sorting through the bad stuff. I often doubt that anyone would be interested in reading about my personal journey and it’s also scary to write about anything that is so personal.
The other thing is when I went almost six weeks without actively “checking in” I gained some weight back and I feel like I’ve been waiting until I took it all back off to triumphantly post that I’m back to where I ended in February and it’s close, but not quite there. There are many people who warn me that the scale is just a tool and not to get fixated on the number. It’s tough, though. Stupid little numbers can make or break a day if let them get to you.
So, in the end, I guess I’ll keep writing about my nutrition and fitness plans because it’s apparent I have more to say. Right now, I am weighing myself every day and this morning I was at 195.2 – just about 2 lbs over where I was in early February.
On the nutrition plan I am currently following, I focus on hitting calorie, protein, carb, fat, and fiber goals each day and have been using the My Fitness Pal app to do so (and I love it!). Right now each day I go for: 1,500 cal, 110g Carbs, 160g. protein, 45g fat, and 30g fiber. The nice flexibility of the plan means I get to eat lovely things like this:
and this:
I’ve also been doing a 3x week strength routine and cardio 3-5x a week. I’m happy to report that, for the first time in about a year, I was able to do 4 mins running, 1 min. walking on the treadmill, “running” at 4.0 because that’s where my heart rate stays between 150-160.
More later – gotta run. I’ll end with this: although I do like a lot of things about myself, I guess I shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to make some positive changes as well. I’ll write, you read – if you so choose.
Searching for Second Level 
I really identify with this…I started out at 230 when I went into the hospital last year and was 215 when I got out. I regained the pounds I lost due to becoming a sweet addict and not having any physical activity. Thanks for the tip on My Fitness Pal and I’ll get back on track with it. I know it’s not easy, but hang in there.
Thanks, Sara! It is difficult with so many temptations and easy access to high fat/calorie foods. The My Fitness Pal app has been super easy to use, though! Good luck on your health and thanks for reading!
I relate to how tough it can be to go through a weight loss process and open yourself to different perspectives and judgements. I am new to blogging and it can make me feel vulnerable at times, but man, has it kept me accountable.
My main goal has not been weightloss but rather maintaing a healthy lifestyle, with a sub-goal of weight loss. And rather than battling the idea of losing weight versus keeping my curves, I embrace both for my health. I choose to love myself every step of the way and strive for my health above anything else. You don’t always have to choose 🙂 Good luck with your journey.
Great post,
Caroline
Thanks, Caroline! What a wonderful positive attitude! 🙂 I like the idea of just focusing on living a healthy lifestyle. We all come in different shapes and sizes, and being healthy, rather than fitting a social norm, is really what we can all benefit from focusing on. Thanks for reading!
I guess it is up to who you are as a person, I know most peope think I am not overweight, but I know I am and all the healthy issues my family has had.. I would rather try to loose the weight… I love your salad it looks good, very creative in the food department…
Thanks! Just checked out your blog and I appreciate the compliment on my photo as you have so many great ones on your posts! The salad was yummy 🙂
And, yes, it does come down to what we want for ourselves – it’s our own body after all. I think sometimes when people don’t think we need to lose weight, etc. those opinions come out of the best intentions, but (other than in extreme circumstances like eating disorders/extreme self-esteem issues) it’s not good to fault someone because they want to live a healthier lifestyle. Instead, we should support it!
Thanks for reading!
I’m interested in your journey! Great job btw with the run times, that’s awesome! It gets really fun when you can start saying things like that. All of a sudden you’ll be going, holy crap I just ran a mile without stopping!
Okay and I just want to say one other thing and I REALLY hope it doesn’t offend you or anyone because I don’t mean it to. But the whole just be happy with you are thing kind of bugs me. Don’t get me wrong I think everyone should be happy with who they are on the inside and you shouldn’t hate your body either. But to just be okay with getting too far out of shape that it’s a huge health risk, I don’t know, it seems like a way for people to excuse themselves from needing to worry about getting to and maintaining a healthy weight. It gives them an excuse to eat all the garbage they want and never exercise, because they are “happy with who they are.” I guess if someone truly doesn’t care and doesn’t mind a high risk of an early grave or all the other seriously bad possibilities that go along with it, who am I to tell them otherwise? But I question if they are being honest with themselves or not. Probably it’s just “easier” not to care than it is to care and not do it, you know? Anyway you care about it, so don’t for a second feel bad about that. That’s a very good thing, and if you stop caring you’ll go down a road you’ll almost surely regret.
Hope you don’t mind me saying that, but I’m pulling for you!
Hi Colin! Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I really appreciate your enthusiasm and genuine support!
Thanks for sharing your opinions on the “just be happy” concept. I really struggle with this. Part of me wants to see what would happen if I fully committed to a strict and disciplined routine and the other part of me does NOT want to be that person who can’t share a dessert when out with friends.
While it’s tough to be disciplined, I’ve experienced a major slow-down in my already-slow metabolism and I know that if I just “let it all go” I’ll end down a dangerous road. However, when I read blogs that declare “this is NOT a weight loss blog” I feel a little shame over not just being happy with who I am – and a little judged because I kind of do have a weight loss blog.
I guess all things boil down to moderation and goals. Do I want to lose weight? Yes. Do I want to be a better athletic partner for my horse? Yes. Well that means I’ve got to continue to make positive changes in my life and health. Do I think that 217 was an unhealthy weight for me? Yep. Do I need to starve myself and do tons of cardio until I lose 100 pounds? Nope. But I guess that wouldn’t be healthy either.
As I said in the post, for as much as I want to write about more than a weight loss journey, I sure seem to have a lot of things to say about losing weight. It also makes a great topic for conversations as evident by all the replies, so I guess I’d really be losing out eliminating the weight loss/health/fitness component out of my blog.
Anyways – I can’t wait to be able to run a full mile again ☺ I do enjoy running (mostly after I’m done) and it’s very meditative for me. The problem is when I’m so out of shape that I’m constantly focused on how much it sucks at the time, it’s hard to get to a meditative state! Looking forward to the time when I can go out and breeze through a three-miler with just my dog and my thoughts to keep me company.
Sure sounds to me like it’s important to you and something you desire. So IMO don’t let your perception of what others might think stop you. If you look forward to a three miler with just your dog and your thoughts, well what’s the best way to get there? You got it! 🙂 It seems pretty clear you care and want to do it. You want to lose weight, you want to be healthy, you want to run a full mile, you want a lot of things fitness related. So don’t try to stop yourself because others are okay with being unhealthy.
You don’t have to be any of those things, you can find a balance. You can share a dessert when you go out with a friend and still live a healthy lifestyle. If you are doing the right things most of the time with an occasional cheat, you’ll be just fine. You just have to decide what you are willing to do for it.
Your blog is YOURS and you can and should write about anything you want. I wouldn’t let anyone stop you from that, including yourself.
Whatever you do I hope the best for you and look forward to hearing more.
Colin
P.S. – Starving yourself and tons of cardio is pretty much the worst thing you could do, fyi. 🙂
Thanks, you made me smile and lol at the PS. I could never starve myself anyway – I’m a total witch when I’m hungry. Hehe. Excited to see where this goes from here! Thanks for your support 🙂
I’m excited to see too! 🙂
Colin, you raise an interesting point. I was going to say something along the lines of “be happy with who you are” in my post, but I’d rather talk about some of the points you raised. I don’t think being happy with who you are or what you look like has to be as stagnating as you suggest. Some women are overweight because they “eat their feelings” rather than address them in a healthy way. They feel like crap about themselves and so engage in unhealthy habits to cope. For women like me, learning to “be happy the way you are” or “love your curves” can be liberating. If anything, I feel like I care more about myself enough to make healthy choices on the days I appreciate my body, but I also don’t to beat myself up over unhealthy choices, too. I have never taken the idea of appreciating my curves as “permission” (I need permission?) to eat all the garbage I want and never exercise.
The people who never exercise and eat ‘garbage’ to the point of heading to an early grave are that way for a reason- either they don’t know better, or they don’t care enough to change. These people do not truly subscribe to the “love the way you are” motto, even if they try to say they do. They don’t. These may be the people who bug you, but I would hazard they have a large pit of self loathing inside that eats all their garbage for them, and they try to hide it with those Facebook posts about loving themselves or how their curves are awesome. It’s all fake, a shield put up to protect themselves. These people need to feel some self worth in order to find the strength to make a change to be healthier.
Keri – thanks for reading and posting!
I agree that many people who struggle with their weight also struggle with their self worth. I remember a moment in an old Biggest Loser when a stay-at-home mom was working through a tough treadmill routine and her trainer was saying “you can do this!” but then changed to saying “You’re worth it!” and then he asked her to say it. At first she couldn’t or wouldn’t but he kept repeating it until, finally, she yelled out “I’m worth it!” It was an amazing moment of recognition – she, a woman who was so used to taking care of everyone but herself, had to admit that she was really worth all this effort. It was a moment of recognition for me, too, watching the show. I remember thinking: wow, she really doesn’t think she is worth it. And I started rooting for her.
There can be so many shades of gray when it comes to health and fitness. There are some who’s weight (excessively high or low), eating disorders, and low self-esteem pose a real threat to their health. There are other situations where society (advertising, fashion, etc) has told us that we’re bad if we don’t look or act a certain way – which I believe is also dangerous to our health and well being.
What it might come down to is not only individual goals, aspirations, balance, moderation, and living a healthy lifestyle but also finding a contentedness in the body we have – and that includes respecting it and treating it well.
Looking forward to future discussions! 🙂
Hey Keri,
Honestly I think our opinions are much more alike than you think they are. I can speak from experiences in trying to help others lose weight that the biggest hurdle is emotions and self esteem. I often get “I expected you to help me understand nutrition and exercise, not be my therapist.” But it often is just that, it’s hard to truly change without fixing the emotions. However, at the same time, it’s also quite often that starting to eat right and exercise regularly that gets someone to start thinking they are worth it and make that switch. Some people need change mentally before they can physically, some people change mentally BECAUSE they changed physically. Everyone is different, and yes I agree that those people at the end of what you are talking about are the ones that are lying to themselves.
Oh I also forgot to mention that part of the problem with the love who you are movement (I’m not saying it’s bad I think you should as long as you aren’t using it for an excuse) is that as you can see with this post it makes others feel bad about wanting to better themselves and that is NOT a good thing, at all. Why should someone feel bad about themselves for wanting to be healthy?
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